A guest post written by Elizabeth Miller of HappyHealthyCaregiver.com

As family caregivers, we are already overwhelmed by all we have to do. Time and energy is something we would all probably put on our holiday wish lists (along with a personal chef!). We definitely WANT to enjoy the upcoming holidays but it can often feel like the holidays just bring even more for us to do.

We want the holidays to be for our families the way it was for us growing up. I have fond family memories of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s. I want to pass on these traditions and create happy memories for my family. That creates a lot of added pressure!

An Alternative to Shop to You Drop

One of the first activities most of us start to do around now is to start shopping for those we love. Holiday shopping can be super stressful, if we allow for it to be that way. But, holiday shopping can be made simpler and it can even be fun!

Over the years, I’ve tried to simplify the hustle and bustle of the holidays and get back to what is meaningful and memorable. Below are ten suggestions for how you can minimize the stress of holiday shopping:

1. When my children were young, I’d ask them to write their letters to Santa around Thanksgiving. I let them know they could ask for three things in their letters (and live animals weren’t allowed because Santa couldn’t travel with them!). I equated the ‘3 things’ with the fact that Jesus received three gifts from each of the wise man. We put the letter in the mail and once it was in route to Santa, it couldn’t be changed. One year Jacob wrote the letter and sealed it so I couldn’t see it, he said it was a test to ensure ‘we’ weren’t Santa. Luckily he has an older sister who was my sweet elf with the big ears that year.

2. Once you know what ‘THE’ gifts are – buy them ASAP! As a family caregiver, I think we are all required to have an Amazon Prime account. Order the must haves and have them shipped to your door. Consider paying the few extra dollars to have these items gift-wrapped.

3. Talk with your siblings about how you want to handle gifts for each other’s family. I have siblings with kids and without kids. We all want to minimize stress over the holidays and keep more money in our wallets so…we just talked openly about it several years back. We agreed that unless you are physically with a family member, you don’t need to buy a gift. We honor this for birthdays as well. For my husband’s family, we usually buy one family gift like a cookie tower, popcorn tin, family game, or DVD. These group gifts go right from the online store to the recipient wrapped and ready to be received.

4. Exchange names! When my entire family lived in Atlanta and we all weren’t children anymore, we opted to exchange names to help minimize the work for mom. Some of the most fun years are when we exchanged names and stuffed a stocking for that person with a $100 budget. This made Christmas morning more fun for my mom too since she didn’t know what everything was that was being unwrapped. Now that my kids are teenagers, we exchange names among ourselves. My kids really enjoy being a part of the process (with our cash in their pockets to purchase of course).

5. Start shopping now and designate a gift wrapping station in your home so you can wrap as you shop.

6. Have a white elephant gift exchange with your friends, co-workers, or family. You can either wrap up something ‘gently used’ or set a budget for a new gift. We’ve had white elephant parties with my family (especially when there are lots of people traveling in town) where we all bought one $50 – $100 unisex gift. I’ve done low budget exchanges at work where you wrap up something you already own. You can do this type of swap with your book club and exchange books. We even had a pre-teen holiday party one year where the kids exchanged DVDs. At the party, count the total gifts, number the slips of paper (i.e. so you have one for each gift), and ask everyone who brought a gift to draw a number. Whoever drew #1 goes first and picks a present to unwrap. Then, #2 goes and can either steal #1’s unwrapped gift or pick a new one to unwrap. Usually a gift can only be stolen 3 times and can’t be stolen back by the person who just lost it. Some white elephant exchanges play that #1 gets to go again at the very end. Just decide the rules up front before you play.

7. Maybe this year you do a local family activity or take a trip instead of using the holiday budget on traditional holiday gifts. I’ve written a few previous posts about this hereand here.

8. Minimize and simplify the circle of people for whom you buy gifts. Teacher gifts can be gift cards. Neighbor and work gifts are optional. Remember, you are in a season of your life where you probably have more responsibilities than any one person should have – something has to give.

9. If someone asks you to participate in a group gift, the answer is always ‘Yes, that would be great!’

10. Give back to your community in place of gift buying. Volunteer as a family or group at a soup kitchen, adopt a family, collect items for a local shelter or visit those who may be alone at an assisted living community. Doing something for others will make you feel less stressed and more thankful for everything you have.

Take Action

Which suggestions are you going to try this year? If you have a holiday shopping tip that is missing, please add it to the comments below. I hope that your holiday season is filled with special moments for you and your family, that you find your inner voice allowing you to ask for help from those around you, and that you take just a few minutes in each of the busy days ahead to take care of your own mental and physical health because you are certainly worth it.

Family caregiving is not for the faint of heart. On a good day it can involve injections, meal preparation, feeding, and dressing. On a bad day it can mean trips to the emergency room, not having home care show up, serious reactions to medication and anger and frustration thrown your way from your loved one.

It’s a lot to handle. And you do it anyway.

What do you do when it gets too much, when you feel like you just can’t take it anymore?

It’s not if, it’s when, you are going to feel that way. When it happens, you might want to grab your shoes and coat and run away. I did that once. Well, I didn’t run away. I did go for a drive. I couldn’t stay in that room one second more with my husband yelling at me about my poor attitude. I was doing my best, I really was. I’d hit my tipping point when I had a run-in with my boss, had been working late putting together a funding proposal, trying to keep up with all the medical appointments and treatment schedules, and cope with the worry and fear about my husband dying. It got to me, it really got to me. And then he had the nerve to say I had a bad attitude.

I had to get out of there before I said or did something I would really regret. So I drove to the Toys R Us and bought a playpen for soon-to-be-born grandchild. I cried all the way there, and all the way home. There had to be better ways to cope than running away.

Since then I’ve learned a lot in my own personal development, and even more from the caregivers I’ve helped. Here are what I consider the Top 5 Tips for Getting Through a Difficult Day.

 Write

Many caregivers have found it both helpful and cathartic to write. Some write about how they are feeling so they can get it out of their system. Some will write whatever comes to mind, or even write a fiction story. There are many caregiver blogs – it is healing.

Music

I rave about the healing nature of music and believe it’s the answer to just about problem. When you are really frantic and worried, listening to some calming, spa-like music will help. If you are angry and frustrating some loud rock might get you rid of the energy building up. There’s nothing like a sad country song to help you cry. Tears heal. Don’t be afraid of them.

 Talking it Out

That saying “phone a friend” rings true here. Sometimes you need that shoulder to cry on – or at least vent. You will want to have someone with a good listening ear to help you through some of these difficult days. It helps you release a lot of pent up energy, and they might offer some comforting words. You don’t have to go through this alone.

Pound the pillow

There is nothing like having a good, safe, scream and pounding session. First make sure you aren’t going to alarm anyone with the noice they may here. Find your safe place, grab a pillow, and pound and yell as much as you can, for as long as you can. A lot of times it’s the energy raging through our body that keeps us in such a stressed state. There is a lot of emotion released in one of these sessions. You will likely feel both physically and emotionally exhausted. That is fine. You will also find your mind to be clearer and you will be able to continue with what needs to be done. Be sure to get some rest and drink lots of water.

Gratitude

I’ve saved the best for last. I believe moving into a state of gratitude is the quickest and most effective way to deal with a difficult day. Don’t confuse this with patronizing or magical “positive thinking..” I’m talking about true, heartfelt gratitude. Take a moment to pretend “breathe” in and out of your heart, and draw to your mind something that your are really grateful for. Something, or someone, that makes your heart sing. For me, it’s my two grandsons. When you have that feeling in your heart, write down 3 – 5 that you are grateful for. That should help you feel more calm and grounded.

I hope you don’t experience many of those really difficult days. When you do, try one or more of these tips.

These don’t work for you? Leave a comment and let me know what you do when you feel like running away from it all. I appreciate learning more tips to share with the caregivers I help.

There is always something to learn about family caregiving and how we can get through this journey with peace, grace and knowing we’ve done out best.

There is a wonderful event that is coming to you – wherever you are when you are onine. It’s Today’s Caregiver, a Virtual Summit and it starts November 14^th. There are 14 speakers covering many key things you want to know. You can even watch this in your pyjamas! Yay!

Don’t miss this great opportunity to discover new things and get free gifts.

Sign up here: Today’s Caregiver – A Virtual Summit

Nearly every person I talk to who is involved with the day to day caring and support of a loved one dealing with a life changing medical diagnosis says the one thing they dread hearing is “Make sure you take a break!”

I was at our local “The Kitchen is Open” coffee and chat group for family caregivers and was deeply inspired by the group. One thing I noticed was that each of the members was doing quite well and I realized it was because they took some time to care for themselves and came out to the group.

This group is pretty informal, with a short presentation followed by time to sit, enjoy some coffee or tea, and have a chat. This particular time we started off with Laughter Yoga. That’s a whole other topic for another blog post.

When you’re pulled in a dozen directions, exactly how do you take a break?

Below are some everyday hacks you can try.

When you can get out of the house:

• Take a walk around the block,
• Go for a drive
• Visit a friend
• Find the quiet corner in your favourite coffee shop.
• Spend time in nature.
• Check out a park or get active and walk or cycle on a trail.

When it’s a little more challenging to leave the house:

• Don’t underestimate the power of a small break in another room.
• Creating your own space where you can be alone can give you many moments of peace.
• Try a spare room, the family room, or even the bathtub.

Once you have found your own peaceful place there are a few different things you do:

• There are many benefits to taking a few minutes to sit still, closing your eyes and being quiet.
• Focus on your breath if it’s hard to sit still.
• Meditation is highly recommended.
• You can also catch a catnap.
• Read
• Listen to music
• Do cross words
• Talk with a friend
• Paint, or draw.

When you are caregiving 24/7 and never far away from your loved one, here are some hacks for getting a break without leaving the room:

• You can use an mp3 player and headphones to listen to your favourite calming music
• Listen to a progressive muscle relaxation audio to release some of your muscle tension and stress.
• Read or listen to audio books
• Knit
• Write
• Do crossword or Soduko puzzles.

Choose something that brings you peace, joy and a sense of rest or rejuvenation.

Resist the temptation to do household chores, get on the computer or write your grocery list.

This is sacred time for your own well-being.

Fill your cup first.

Speaking of filling your cup first, please grab your coffee or tea and join me and 14 other Professional Caregiving Consultants and Coaches for the Intentional Caregiver Virtual Summit, November 14 – 19^th, 2016.

We will be having conversations on everything caregiving, from what to know before you bring someone home from the hospital, how to be a happy and healthy caregivers, caring for a loved one with dementia, unique hacks, tips and strategies for you to be comfortable with who you are, and why pre-planning helps you and the one you are caring for.  This is where you can find more information. 

I’m sure I’ve missed a thing or two on those lists above – what is your favourite “time for me” thing to do?

I’m taking my own advice and taking time for me. It’s been a long time since I’ve done this so I’m unplugging for a few days and taking some time to relax, rejuvenate and get re-energized.

Whether it’s a minute, an hour, a day or a week – take some time for you.

A few minutes to yourself can help you be ready for the hours of caregiving ahead

Caregiving can be one of the most rewarding things you can do.  It can also drive you crazy!

You might feel like there’s so much coming at you that your life is spinning out of control.

I shot a quick video to share with you a formula I learned that can help.  It is a formula used by the most successful people in the world – and I believe caregivers are some of the most successful people in the world!

Watch the video to see how you can grab some control back in your life.

Leave a comment below and let me know what you think, and what step will you take to get back your focus of control?

Enjoy!

Lorna

PS – be sure to grab your copy of 10 Tips for Peace- Click here

If you could sneak into a family caregiver’s bedroom at night, you might see them tucked snugly in bed, head sunk into the pillow, eyes closed and the slow, regular breathing would give you a clue they are sound asleep. These moments are few and far between. The caregiver relishes these moments of deep, restful sleep. In these moments, their sleep deprivation is hidden.

Sleep deprivation is one of the most frequent health problems faced by caregivers. They don’t get enough hours in bed to be fully rested, or their sleep is interrupted with being awakened to assist the person they are caring for, from worry about the person they are caring for, or from anxiety about their overall situation and stress.

Sleep deprivation has serious consequences. It can affect you physically, emotionally, and mentally. Here are five surprising ways to tell if you might be sleep deprived:

Feeling hungry.   When the brain is low on energy because it is tired, it will look to food for energy. Not getting enough rest can increase the production of ghrelin, also known as the hunger hormone, in your gut, and you will crave sugary and high fat food.

• Being more impulsive – you find it gets too hard to say “no” to the things you know aren’t good for you – especially food and drink.
• Having trouble seeing. Even eye muscles are affected by lack of rest. Your eyes have to work harder to track well together which can cause double vision.

Here are some little known tips to help you sleep:

• Turn your lights down 2- 3 hours before you go to bed. Being exposed to less light can increase your body’s natural production of melatonin.
• Drink tart cherry juice 2 – 3 hours before bed.
• In the 1 – 2 hours before going to be, avoid eating anything that causes heartburn or makes you go to the bathroom.

These tricks may not work for you and then it’s recommended you talk to your doctor to talk about the various sleep aids to help you get the rest you need.

Sweet dreams.

We can all learn from each other so please share your sleep tips and challenges in the comments below.  Thanks!

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May you find peace, hope, and joy in every day.